Thirsty Thursdays: What’s upChuck?
Puking. Throwing up. Spewing. Yacking. Losing your lunch. We’ve all been there and hey, it’s not your fault. It’s those lousy folks you like to call friends. Sometimes it’s your birthday, or maybe sometimes a homecoming celebration, or sometimes it’s just a bad day…you just need to get out there and drink the pain away.
This is all fine and good for most of the night and it really may work out for the majority of people. For these lucky people, the experiment results in a hangover and a couple of apologies. For the unlucky, this experiment results in an explosive chemical reaction (more commonly known as vomiting). Hope for lucky, prepare for unlucky. The FBI has criminal profiles, at EDR we have puker profiles. Which will you be? Don’t know? Here are few common options I have witnessed in my years of hell raising, shenanigans, and reindeer games.
The Sprinkler: This man knows he’s going to throw up, but will never make it to the bathroom in time, ruh-roh! As the party in his digestive system performs an evacuation drill, he covers his mouth. Unfortunately our superhero will have a crack in his fingers that causes the poison to spray in a flow of debauchery on everything, everybody and every drink as he searches for the nearest trash, men’s or women’s facility, or oversized purse. Hey Sprinkler, go grab a mop, ASS!
The Volcano: Scene, the bar. You, your friends and your shots are sitting-BLAHHH! Who the F?!!! I hate that damn Volcano.
The Crowd Gatherer: This person had too much to drink 2 to 3 hours ago. Somehow he has found the most comfortable concrete pillow in the cool outdoors. He has been puking for maybe 5 minutes but his abs feel like its been hours. While the river of Goldschlager and stomach acid erode the gutter and are channeled via peanut and pretzel wing dams beneath the shoes of the fellow revilers of the night. For many lease agreements to come these stains will cement the legacy of the Crowd Gatherer.
These are just a few ways to ruin a good birthday, finalize an exhausting homecoming celebration or even worsen an already bad day.
With that, please keep in mind, if you don’t remember…your friends and family will, and if they done your friends at EDR are always here to remind you.
[Written in conjunction with Dabel aka “THAT Guy”.]
Happy Thirsty Thursday! And remember: if its on fire, don’t be the idiot, blow it out first! -T-Buss – Team EDR Booz Hound