Thirsty Thursdays: I Heart This Bar

 by tyler [Team Booze Hound]

For the full existence of the alcoholic beverage, it has been the struggle of man to find the correct place and population to drink it with. In many parts of life its not where to drink but when. Lets talk about the early days– The time when alcohol was hard to come by and even harder to consume. You sought out the deepest darkest basement, field, barn or machine shed. Perhaps the back woods would work, or that sacred place that belonged to the only parent in the county who allowed minors to drink at their house. Hell, it’s better than on the street. Regardless this was a time in life that we all loved, when we got away with it.

College solved everyone’s location issues. The bar, pub, watering hole or keg party seemed to be the equalizer between the cops and the liver violating hooligans we called our friends, their friends and ourselves. Honestly what kind of a cop has the time to give hundreds of full throttle college kids tickets at 1am? Have a heart; they have a quality hangover to study off in the morning.

Fast forward…

Now that us older folks have surpassed 21 years on earth and are now on our second hip, the beverage has become second to the destination. As we all know a good destination will always have a good set, but more importantly a good set of beverages.

When looking for the best destination to drink pleasing everyone is not the way to go, trust me, people still party at Schydes in Winona.

Today I am going to go ahead and describe my perfect pub to consume amongst friends and future witnesses.

Tyler’s Perfect Bar

1) To start, big and open is always bad. Too much room when getting blitzed does not represent room to relax, it represents room to spill and be spilled on. Thus I prefer long skinny bars with a side room.

2) Irish theme is always a bonus and keeps the fantasy of the motherland alive. Plus pubs in Ireland are known for their brawls and Americans know it. Because of this fact naturally people in America tend enter a good Irish pub in fear. Fearful people don’t start fights, so that eliminates that problem.

3) I’m looking for a good selection of liquor and enough draft beers where I could run the rail on a bet, but not to many where my eventual blurred vision could create a decision making dilemma.

4) A good juke box is a simple concept but surprisingly a majority of bars fuck it up. I don’t want to see a computer with songs controlled by DJ Douche Bag. I don’t want to see the old time cd changer with the electronic flippy pages…its like reading a bad book at high speed. I do, however, want a flashy machine with a massive data base of songs that include ANYTHING ANYONE wants to hear, including “Wild Wild West” by Will Smith.

5) Finally, if I can’t play darts in your bar, you FAIL.

Lets face it, this isn’t rocket science. All any bar owner needs to know is PLEASE give the people what they want. Booze. Boobs. And Bar Games! (by people I mean me).

Happy Thirsty Thursday! And remember: if its on fire, don’t be the idiot, blow it out first! -T-Buss – Team EDR Booz Hound


About Ron Mexico

I am Ron Mexico.

Posted on October 21, 2010, in Tyler. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. LOVE this column, T-spot! ❤

  2. Where exactly IS the T-Spot?

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