Saturday Editorial: Why I Want to be a Loser
Andy is fat.
I fell into a trap that a lot of people do– Stop me when it sounds familiar. Former high school athlete heads to college. Stays in the dorm where they offer an all you can eat buffet three times a day. Starts drinking like champ. Starts drunk fooding like a champ. Casually lifts weights or runs three twice a week and calls it good enough. Freshman 15. Sophomore 27. Senior 62. Eventually the 5’8″ 145 lb sprinter with endurance like the day is long slowly became a fat, Jagered-up sedentary piece of shit. At my peak, I was 241 lbs.
Gaining a pound or two at a time, we rationalize that it’s not so bad– It’s just a pound or we can lose it later or I’m not that fat. Our culture is also shifting to a state where fat is not only normal, but becoming socially acceptable. In our politically correct society, we cannot go up and tell some one they are fat– tell our kids they can’t have candy for breakfast– or criticize a family member for their 4th lap at the Old Country Buffet. By walking on eggshells around the topic (we might offend someone!), we become enablers to a fat society where Fat is Fine and Slightly-Less-Than-Fat is Good Enough.
I am at the point where ‘Good Enough’ is simply not good enough anymore. That’s why Operational Badonkadonk is a go.
While I’m not morbidly obese, I’m tired of telling myself that it’s okay to eat an entire pizza because of a stressful week. That it’s okay to skip the gym the next morning because I stayed up til 3 AM watching Youtube clips of a talking dog (awesome btw). Or that eating a 1,200 calorie taco salad is okay because it’s a salad isn’t it (there IS lettuce, right?)? No more.
There is an urgency to nip my sickness in the bud before it becomes a full-blown epidemic. It’s best for me to catch this at 220 than 420. I will not be the guy who uses the scooter at Walmart because my fat ass can’t walk–Or have the Wife bathe me because I cannot reach my crevasses– And I never want my protruding belly to preclude my ability to see my penis!!!
Speaking of the Wife, she deserves a sexy husband. Its commonplace for one to let themselves go after nuptials. They figure, “Well, I don’t have to impress anyone anymore… Bring on the chili cheese fries!” In a blink of an eye, the young, fit couple suddenly turns into something you would see on Discovery Health during Lipo Week.
She doesn’t want that, and I don’t blame her. The Wife should wake up to a man with the body of 007– Not the body of the #7 extra value meal. In our vows, I promised to take care of her for the rest of her life. It would be difficult to do that if I was bedridden at 500 pounds, in a wheelchair because I lost my feet to diabetes, or in a grave… An extra-large grave. She deserves better.
I also want to be a loser for my late-father.
Although he was never ‘obese’, he always carried an extra pound or ten around the midsection. He never ate particularly well either– I swore the man could live off potato salad and cheesy curls! He passed away from cancer two years ago. A tumor lodged in his hip and eventually spread to throughout the soft tissue of his body and cost him his leg. The doctors told me that my Dad’s diet and lack of physical activity– while not directly the cause of the disease– certainly did not help my dad’s condition and likely contributed to its acceleration.
He would have been a great grandpa, but he passed before he had the opportunity to. And while we can’t control the hand that life deals us, dropping weight and getting into great physical shape can only help my chances. I want to be around and become a great father like he was– and a wonderful grandfather like he would have been.
My motivation is my Wife, my late father, and– perhaps most importantly– Myself.
I will lose the weight. I will stop slowly committing suicide with food. Operation Badonkadonk will be a massive success.
I am Andy. And I will be a Loser.
Operation Badonkadonk is a mission for Andy to lose most of his ass by Christmas, Easter, and his Birthday. Make sure to follow his progress on the Operation page located on the menu bar right here at Eat.Drink.Repeat!