Thirsty Thursdays | Shot Through the Heart
Jag Bomb. Starry Night. Three Wiseman. Dead Nazi. Sex with an Alligator. Flaming Dr. Pepper. Crouching Tiger. Cement Mixer. Irish Car Bomb. Black Hole.
We all know what time of night it has to be to think this kind of behavior is ok. Hell, sometimes it even seems like a good idea. The question is: When you reach the time of night when your brain switches to the shot menu, what type of shooter are you looking for? With this question in mind I thought I’d describe several types of shooters I have seen, [been], in the past……
Your standard booze driven college student is looking for anything with the word “bomb” in the title. At some point in alcohol history the Einstein of Shot City figured out that if it sounds like bad news and tastes like bad news then it generally is GREAT news for your bottom line. Unfortunately Einstein wasn’t a plumber he was a patent clerk. Luckily when the bodily fluids hit the porcelain he delegated a plunger and some bowl cleaner to his faithful meathead bouncer and all was well.
Meanwhile back in reality…There will always be a young man who clearly doesn’t belong inside any drinking establishment. I can’t blame him, he paid good money for that fake and is just looking to get a little wastie, make some bad decisions and vomit everywhere just before those bad decisions pay off. Sadly he hasn’t the experience or the facial hair to warrant and indecisive moment with the bar staff. So, he will undoubtedly go with the “Red Headed Slut”. It’s not that it’s a good shot at all, it isn’t, but it’s just the easy way out at 18. It sounds manly, doesn’t come with a stomach pump or bail money and when used properly there’s a good chance of returning home before sun up.
I assume now that everyone is wondering what shot does come with bail money, or what shot should?
Well in my experience/experiments there is only one shot that truly fits this category. Hypothetically, if I were a no-good booze floozy my last name would be Iverson. And if my last name were Iverson I might make consistent attempts to draw my unassuming friends into consuming a series of unmistakable beverage sized shots consisting of a combination of the worst three human beings to ever walk this earth. Jim, Jack, and Jose! And as if that weren’t enough, I would add a nice piece of beef jerky to the suicide mixture, as if it were a straw. If you don’t think that “thing” should come with bail money then you should probably seek therapy or perhaps join your friendly neighborhood AA.
Happy Thirsty Thursday! And remember: if its on fire, don’t be the idiot, blow it out first! -T-Buss – Team EDR Booz Hound