Saturday Editorial | What I’ve Learned…
We’ve come a long way together… All the way from that fat piece of lard pictured above (with Benson’s ID badge) to the lean, mean– 10 less pounds than that fatty– machine. Alright fine, so we’re closer to the beginning than the end, but to be fair this is the longest I’ve EVER stuck to any sort of diet or fitness regimen without relapsing like Amy Winehouse busting out of a methadone clinic. I feel fit, I found some of my abs with help from our GPS, and my butt– in the words of the Wife– “Refuses to quit!”
Throughout these first three weeks of 28 that comprise Operation Badonkadonk I’ve noticed a few things:
A) I don’t snore as much (allegedly)
B) Sex is WAY better!
C) There is more energy to be had throughout the day
D) I don’t violently shake like a cokehead around pizza anymore
E) I can where my favorite jeans without singing “The Muffin Man”
F) The 60-year old ladies that inhabit the gym at 6am are giving me “that look”
G) I can do this!
Kidding aside, there are three main things that I’ve learned I’m gonna need if we hope to make it through Operation Badonkadonk
alive successfully– Discipline. Planning. Creativity…
As the great motivational speaker Zig Ziglar pointed out, “I’ve never accidentally eaten anything.” This is absolutely true. As much as some drunken, blackout nights would argue– pizzas, burgers, and sub sandwiches don’t accidentally jump into our bellies. Everything that we eat and don’t eat is a conscious decision. In that same vein, I’ve never accidentally worked out either. With those points paired together, it’s safe to say that we weigh exactly what we choose to weigh.
While choosing to weigh north of 220 pounds took no discipline, trying to drop 50 lbs in 28 weeks will take A LOT of it. Discipline to get out of my warm bed at 5am and hustle to the gym in the dead of winter. Discipline not to cave in and call Pizza Hut instead of a grilled chicken salad. Discipline not to have that 4th, 5th, or 12th beer while everyone else is partying it up.
I used to have
little no discipline– Sleeping in. Call up for pizza. Bring on another round– Better make it tequila!
But doing the same things and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. I want to change my life… Therefore I must have the fortitude to change the way I live.
It’s easy to stray from the path if there is no path. Planning is key.
Before I wake up every morning, I know what exercise is going to be done when and exactly what’s going to be eaten that day. Planning ahead saves me from choices used I to make on the fly, choices I usually got wrong. Conundrums like– “What’s for dinner? Pizza? Pizza sounds good. Beep-bop-boop-boop-boop (sound of phone dialing)” or “Should I workout today? Aww but there’s a “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” marathon on! Okay, I skip gym.” Having a written plan makes you accountable for your actions. Did you fail or triumph today? Look at the paper. It’s right there in black and white.
By cutting out these “options”, it makes sure that everyday I’m progressing towards the overall goal of completing the Operation. Additionally, meal and exercise planning has helped in other facets of our lives. Meal planning trims what we need at the grocery store, since we’re not guessing at what we need, which also helps shrink our overall grocery bill. Also planning when I’m going to the gym has helped me be more productive working as well as writing for EDR. I know exactly how every hour of the day is to be spent.
Without a plan, you’re wandering.
Try making boneless-skinless chicken breasts exciting after the 12th night in a row.
This was going to be a challenge from the beginning. How am I going to eat healthy without boring my tastebuds to death? The answer was simple– Stop crying and be a chef, you idiot!
Spice rubs and marinades are a great way to add low calorie flavor and variety to meals. My favorite as of late has been Asianizing everything (naturally). A quick marinade of ginger, garlic, Siracha, cilantro, light soy sauce, and a little sesame oil– and you can turn that boring piece of shit chicken breast into something you’d actually want to eat.
So far it’s been fun thinking up new ways to make edible things to shove in my mouth that won’t make me fat. Check back with me around day 196.
The first few steps of the journey have been relatively easy and I am determined not to give up when they become hard. At the beginning it was about the $1000 as a way to motivate myself– Now I’m driven BY myself. I don’t want to be forever known as the “kinda muscular-chubby guy” for the rest of my life. Or “the guy who always ALMOST completed things”.
Operation Badonkadonk is a mission for Andy to lose most of his ass by Christmas, Easter, and his Birthday. Make sure to follow his progress on the Operation page located on the menu bar right here at Eat.Drink.Repeat!